Epic Fail by a Proverbs 31 Woman

Remember that time I thought I could write a blog post a week and turn it into a book? Funny, right? Let's be honest...I couldn't even find my desk this semester, let alone write a book. Maybe I'll save that for my 30's. Or maybe I'll live it up Proverbs-style when I'm 31.

The semester has ended at Ball State and I'm gearing up to go to San Diego for summer project on Monday. So the past week or so I've been trying to wrap up campus stuff (which it turns out, never ends) catch up on all the life stuff I neglected during the hectic semester (ie: find my desk, go to the doctor, do laundry, and send back that Kitchen Aid hand mixer that's been sitting in my room since last May), and I've also had lots of time alone which means I have time to watch entire series of television shows whilst "working on project" and more free time to ride my bike, think, and read. And we all know the old adage: reading leads to writing, kissing leads to...well, that's not relevant to me these days. So, reading leads to writing: I'm not sure that's an old adage, but it's as true in my life as "late nights lead to popcorn consumption", which, I might add, could only be measured by the barrel these days. (I'd like to give Rural King a shout-out for their cheaply priced 50lb bags of popcorn kernels. Rural King: where you can buy a baby chick, a tractor, a 2lb bag of circus peanuts, and eat free popcorn while you do it. Visit your local Rural King today!) Now my corporate sponsors are happy. Must move this blog along:)

So as I've been reading the book, "Letting Go of Perfect" by Amy Spiegel, a wonderfully insightful and hilarious gal who goes to church with me, I've been inspired to blog a little and has me thinking through what it means to be a woman. I would recommend reading her book. For real. It is great so far! So, here are the thoughts I've had.

The joke I've been trying to make happen lately has been trying to call myself "The Proverbs 31 Woman". Anytime I do something handy, I call myself that, hoping it will soon catch on. I mean, when you live in a Christian subculture that's quite the compliment, right? As I think about being a woman, there are many ways I feel like I'm lacking.

1. To the chagrin of many, I just don't love period pieces. To me, it seems that if you want to be a real woman, you must love anything written by Jane Austen, Anne of Green Gables, and if you're hip and trendy, Downtown Abbey. Now, trust me...I've tried, but the closest I've come to watching the BBC Pride and Prejudice was when I had a terrible flu my senior year of college and my roommates watched it while I drifted in and out of consciousness on the couch. That counts, right? But seriously, I've tried and tried, but I can't force myself to like any period piece. If there are Victorian-style mansions, people riding horses, pastures, long white dresses, and any letters like "eth" added to words, I'm comatose. I think I'll blame it on my personality type: Strengths Finder says I'm an Activator, which means I like things to be done RIGHT NOW! Meyers-Briggs says I'm an "ENFP" which are known for their love of novelty. Put those two together and as long as it takes to develop characters, to move the plot along, and the fact that it's "old" in my mind equals extreme boredom on my part. And many times, I feel like less of a lady because of it. Strike one.

2. I don't love crafts. In fact, I've tried to take the title of "The AntiCraft" for many years. If a women's group is getting together to have a craft night, unless it's a "kraft" mac-n-cheese eat-a-thon, I'm probably disinterested. They should consider those "kraft" nights, though...there might be something to that. I have so many friends who have brought pinterest to life and I see it every time I go to a bridal or baby shower. Cute, hand-made invitations, flowers dangling from ceilings made of coffee filters, desserts that would put Martha to shame...it constantly reminds me that I am not that woman. At all. In fact, I've warned my friends that if I am ever the maid of honor in their wedding, they should expect none of that from me. But I am resourceful enough to delegate that out, but you'll never see me taking the time to make any craft besides my once-a-year scrapbook that I do for my seniors who graduate. Strike 2.

3. I have yet to procreate. Now, this is in my best interest so far because I would surely lose my job (among other, more serious problems) should I procreate in this time in my life. But when you are 29, it is safe to say that 80% of your friends are married with children. This number is a little low for me because 18% of the childless friends are in fact college students and the other 2% are my single peers. Now, I am not complaining about this at all. In fact, it has been such a blessing to me to watch my friends become parents and I have learned so much from my mom friends. They truly are heroes and  have my utmost respect. Moms need an award for their selfless service to their families, for the dramatic life-change that takes place as they are constantly on call to lay their lives down. I'm not sure how you do it, moms. And the moms I hang out with are GREAT! I love getting to go play w/my nephew or my other "adopted" nieces and nephews on my staff team. I LOVE the role of being Auntie B because I get to build rapport, love on the kids and mom, bring a toy, get them all riled up, then go home and watch 19 episodes of "Better Off Ted" uninterrupted. But, there are small windows of time when I feel like I'm out of the woman club because I don't have a child to offer for play time. (I should mention I'm thinking of renting a child to have something to contribute...a racially ambiguous one would be the most ideal for ratings, I think). So every once in a while I feel like I'm less of a woman because I haven't experienced that rite of passage and can only understand on a rational level, but not out of experience. Strike 3.

But as I've been learning more and more about what it means to be a woman, I have learned that being a woman is more than loving period pieces, having your period and eating reese's pieces, making crafts and babies, and making crafts for your babies. In fact, the Proverbs 31 woman did a lot of hard work...she took care of finances, she was out working in the fields, and she laughed at the days to come. And then there are some things about character and her posture before the Lord, which are probably the most important. 

But the past few weeks as I've had time to do life stuff, I've enjoyed being a woman who can clean her own gutters, assemble a ladder, weed whack her yard, plant flowers, build a fire, prepare a dinner for her staff team, offer advice to those who need it, do push-ups, throw a football, have a lot of feelings, enjoy Parks and Recreation more than Jane Eyre, and spend time with the Lord. But in that, I think I even equate a Proverbs women w/a resourceful, independent woman. And that's not the case either.

I've become to realize how prideful I am in the way I am so self-reliant. I think I can do it all, I can even define womanhood on my own. But that isn't the case, either. At the end of the day, my identity comes in who I am in Christ and not what I do. And I need to be ok w/the fact that I'm a single lady who doesn't get it right most of the time, but who is complete in Christ's work on the cross. 

So, those thoughts aren't fully developed, but I think the point of this is, I am procrastinating from doing all the work I need to get done. And I have thyroiditis, which is not a made-up disease. It is the justification for me having a lot of feelings, being tired all the time, being a ravenous beast and eating barrels of popcorn. Such validation and a great excuse for most of my behavior, but at the end of the day, I'm a woman in need of a Savior. And luckily for me, I have one!

Now...to project planning, listening to "Call Me Maybe", and doing yard work. Proverbs 31-redefined.