Aldi Inspiration

Today I wrote an article for "The Onion" in my head and thought I'd share it.

Aldi Quarter Scam Makes Tens of Dollars

A lack of name brand products, supplying personal shopping bags, and using a quarter to secure the shopping cart returns to its corral are just a few things that make Aldi, a discount food store rivaled only by the ever-popular "Food and Stuff" a discount dreamland for all those trying to save a dime or two during the holiday season. This dreamland has turned into a nightmare with the uprising of the Quarter Cart Scam of 2012. One would expect to find those pestilent con artists at high end food chains like Marsh or Whole Foods, or even at a clothing store like Marshalls (a fancier version of TJ Maxx) but Aldi has been a safe haven for the penny pinchers of America. Not anymore. Those pennies may be pinched, but the quarters: they're fake.

That's right. A new scam has besieged the Aldi chain and it is becoming an epidemic in need of change. The scam starts with a well-meaning citizen offering their no-longer-needed cart to a stranger who is approaching the corral. In hopes of saving them the effort of inserting the quarter into the chained contraption, they can simply exchange the cart for a quarter. This is where the scam begins. Instead of handing a quarter to the good-willed bargain hunter, they instead hand a fake quarter to the unsuspecting Good Samaritan, and they make off with their cart, as well as the inserted quarter.

"I didn't even notice it wasn't George Washington's mug on that coin until I got to my car, but it was too late. I would have chased after him but I am not as fit and active as I used to be." said Chip Clancy.

An Aldi employee, Mamita said, "I've never seen anything like it. It makes me sick! Taking advantage of nice people like that. Not in mi casa!"

Authorities are still on the lookout for the Quarter Cart Scammers and have been sending extra patrols to places like arcades, gas station bathrooms, college parties, and every place that has those quarter pusher machines. Authorities suspect tens of dollars have already been stolen and expect dozens more by the end of the holiday season.

In other news, temporary tattoos are on the rise in Muncie, IN.