The Single Life and Delusions of Grandeur

Sometimes I can be a little emo about single, but honestly, not that often. Most days I'm too busy or preoccupied with some other personal flaw to even think about my singleness. Well, today was one of those rare days that I found myself saying "I LOVE being single!" You may be reading this thinking that I have just gotten back some classically fun, single excursion, like a European backpacking trip meeting lots of single sherpas and sipping wine with Flo-Rida (because I'm sure that's what he's doing right now...sipping wine w/backpacking missionaries) but, no. My day was much more glamorous than that. I woke up promptly at noon, proceeded to my living room with Mindy Kaling's "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" in my hand, put on Netflix and watched approximately 13 episodes of "Storage Wars" whilst reading aforementioned book. I also whipped up a just-add-water chicken and wild rice soup, grazed on some homemade chex mix, had some of the Edy's ice cream I bought last night to prepare for my hibernation, contemplated exercising (and for the record, I did lift weights and stretch for about 3 minutes) and occassionally texted friends. So, here I am, 6pm, still in my pajamas, of which I have no intention of leaving today, and will soon reheat yesterday's burger, watch about 10 more episodes of Storage Wars or move on to a little Jeopardy and perhaps some chick flick starring Drew Barrymore. So, I'm basically living the dream.

Why did I feel the need to write a blog about a seemingly mundane, single-ladies day? Well, I blame Mindy Kaling. Or just reading in general. This happens every time I start reading books, and I LOVE having time to read books. I read things about comedy writers and think that I could probably be a sitcom writer if I ever applied myself. *insert delusions of grandeur*. The same thing happened when I watched "Save the Last Dance" in high school. One inspirational film and I was just a few dance lessons away from becoming the next best ballerina (and hopefully being in an inter-racial relationship). I wasn't going to be held back by my build, which could only be characterized as the antithesis of ballerina, but I worked on keeping my arms really straight and standing on my toes in a mirror for about 15 minutes. Then I decided I didn't need to be a ballerina...not because I couldn't do it if I really applied myself, but because I wasn't that interested anymore. Same goes for comedy writing. I watch the outtakes from movies like Anchorman, the read-through footage from 30 Rock, or anything "behind the scenes" and think, "I could totally do this!" As much as I like to pretend she's not there, no matter how much I grow up and "mature", the Bridget who dreamed of being on SNL is still inside. And she has recently gotten to come out and play on the main stage at IndyCC. For 3-10 minutes on 3 separate nights, I got to live out my dreams of having over 2,000 people think I'm funny at once. There are many more spiritual reasons for why I like to help emcee on stage at IndyCC, but honestly, it is mainly because I like to make people laugh. So, after making a few funny comments and a pretty hilarious video (due to a great team of people and youtube inspiration...here she is: http://vimeo.com/34488496), I have a bit of an inflated sense of self. I'm basically suffering from small town celebrity complex due to an excess of comments about how funny I am. Now I'm convinced I could take on Hollywood. So, I find myself daydreaming about joining the writers' room at SNL or Parks and Recreation. I wonder how long it will take me to be myself, to be comfortable, how I'll handle their inappropriate sketches and jokes, if I'll get made fun of for not cursing, drinking, smoking, or dating shady guys... Will I be seen as a prude, or will I earn their respect with my genius character development and tasteful wit. Then I wonder how long it will take me to get famous enough to write an autobiography and what kinds of personal details I'll put in it. I know it's going to be hard if I get too famous because I don't want the constant attention and the Perez Hilton scrutiny for going to the mailbox in my pj's at 4pm (no, that didn't happen today...I'm in such a post-conference fog I don't even know if mail is delivered today). So, after I live in my fantasy world for a few seconds, I realize I probably have just the amount of fame I need, that I enjoy getting to live out my childhood SNL dreams once a year, and that I'll resolve to live in the place where I could totally be a famous comedy writer if I just applied myself and wanted to be. And I would have a team of people to write with, although I've found I just need people in the room with me when I'm coming up w/creative ideas to affirm that I'm funny and not actually contribute to the ideas, but I'd let them and whatever celebrity I'm writing for take the laugh and I would humbly sit behind the scenes, knowing I just gave them a comedy assist. That is, until they realized how great of an actress I was and I'm the next Tina Degeneres (see what I did there?)

Anyway, I'm clearly never going to make it as a comedy writer because I'm already distracted and out of the zone, so I'm off to eat that left-over burger, watch a few more episodes of Storage Wars, and avoid the work I had intended to do today to make it a completely perfect "rest day". Now, on to the next book that will probably not have the same creative effect..."Being Latino in Christ". Or, maybe it will...